


from the grace of the fire and the flames

by supernaturalsun



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Foster Care, M/M, brief leonard snart/ofc and leonard snart/omc, i guess, len's four years older than barry, lewis snart loses his parenting rights after killing a cop, lots of len but coldflash happens, the west never took barry in after nora allen's murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 11:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17897993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalsun/pseuds/supernaturalsun
Summary: Leonard is 12 years old when he meets Barry Allen. His face always seems fixed in a hard expression and he spends his time alone, avoiding the others. The behavior itches his curiosity and it doesn’t take long for Leonard to find out about the kid’s story. An article in a newspaper tells him everything about how Doctor Henry Allen has been charged with the murder of his own wife, leaving alone his 8 years old son. It’s probably what most people consider a sad story but he doesn’t really feel sorry for Barry. So the kid has a dead mom and a crappy father ? Well, so does he. Being sympathetic and nice isn’t gonna get him anywhere. What matters is his survival and Lisa’s, nothing else. He does reconsider his opinion on Barrya littlewhen he later learns that it takes him three days to escape the house to go see his father in Iron Heights.(A story about first times, survival, mistakes and accepting the love other people want to give you).





	from the grace of the fire and the flames

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Believer" by Imagine Dragons, aka one of the most Len song ever.
> 
> The tags pretty much say it all. I can add that I also reduced the difference of age between Len and Lisa (I mean, it never was explicit but it's obviously more than the six years I went for with this) and Mick is the same age as Len.
> 
> All my knowledge on the foster care system in the US comes from the tv show The Fosters so there are probably unrealistic things in there, sorry.
> 
> (Also, there's the mention of a Jay at some point but he has nothing to do with Jay Garrick, I just like the name).

Leonard is 6 years old when he meets his baby sister. She’s nested in their mother’s arms but he can reach her belly and rest tentatively his hand there, watching it rise and fall to the rhythm of her breathing. “Leo, meet Lisa.” Lisa has brown hair and big blue eyes just like him. She’s the most precious thing he’s ever seen. “I know she’s going to be as though as you but I trust you to always look after her. Even when she’ll get as stubborn as her mother.” He’s not sure why his mother looks sad even through her smile but he smiles back anyway, kissing his sister on her forehead. “Pinky swear.”

  


Leonard is 8 years old when his father starts to ask him to get him a beer and to _hurry up, for god’s sake_ every night when he comes back home. He has never been close to his old man but a new sentiment starts running through his veins when he has to approach him. He’ll understand much later that it was fear, that thing creeping in the back of his mind. Sometimes late at night, he hears his parents fight. He’s not sure what they argue about but beside their voices, there are other noises he can’t identify. He tries to pry but his mother always catch him and sends him back to his bed. When the bruises he caught on his mother start appearing on his own body a year later, there’s no secret to find out anymore.

  


Leonard is 9 years old when he has to assist to his mother’s funeral. Lisa spends the day by his side, strongly holding onto his hand. He doesn’t know if she really understands what’s going on so he does the best he can to reassure her, one arm squeezed around her shoulders and thumbs rubbing the occasional tears out of her cheeks. He’s not sure he gets the whole reality of the event which feels surreal. Leonard had seen her mother taking pills a couple of times over the last weeks but she always looked so strong, he never thought much of it. He learns many years later that she had been sick for the major part of her life but that things had gotten worse over her last year. The news make him feel ill and powerless. He wishes he could have taken her place.

  


Leonard is 11 years old when Lisa and him get thrown into the foster care system. His father was arrested for a robbery that went really wrong. Along with the other charges, killing a police officer got him thirty years in Iron Heights and his parenting rights taken away. Leonard’s only concern is the fact that he has been separated from his sister. He tells so at the person in charge and the only answer he gets is that _boys and girls have to be in different group homes because that’s the way things work_. Well, things in the system don’t work at all, in Leonard’s opinion. It takes him five days to escape the house and find Lisa. Obviously they eventually find him after a couple of hours. He gets yelled at for a while and then, Mrs. Paddington takes a softer tone for her last words. _You know, it’s for the best if you behave. You’re still young, if you stay a good kid you’ll have high chances to get adopted_. He wants to punch her. In the end, he just sarcastically laughs and leaves the room after that.

  


Leonard is 12 years old when he meets Barry Allen. His face always seems fixed in a hard expression and he spends his time alone, avoiding the others. The behavior itches his curiosity and it doesn’t take long for Leonard to find out about the kid’s story. An article in a newspaper tells him everything about how Doctor Henry Allen has been charged with the murder of his own wife, leaving alone his 8 years old son. It’s probably what most people consider a sad story but he doesn’t really feel sorry for Barry. So the kid has a dead mom and a crappy father ? Well, so does he. Being sympathetic and nice isn’t gonna get him anywhere. What matters is his survival and Lisa’s, nothing else. He does reconsider his opinion on Barry _a little_ when he later learns that it takes him three days to escape the house to go see his father in Iron Heights.

  


Leonard is 14 years old when he gets his first kiss. He stole money from his current foster parents to take a girl from his neighborhood out to the movies. He buys them popcorn and holds her hand during the film. Afterwards, they go for a walk on a park, sit on a bench, and that’s where the magic happens. Well, “magic”. Leonard’s not sure that’s the word to describe the moment but anyway. He doesn’t exactly know what to do or what to say, it’s kind of awkward but Hillary still laughs and kisses him again so that’s okay. Her hand tentatively reaches for his cheek and he smiles into the touch. He’s so used to people hurting him, he has forgotten not everyone’s aiming for pain when they seek contact with his skin. There is a bruise on his jaw that she does not comment on. She just rubs the spot with her thumb while she smiles at him. She’s gorgeous and Leonard just wants to kiss her one more time. One month later, he has to move to the other side of Central City. He never sees Hillary again.

  


Leonard is 15 years when his sister gets adopted. She had been staying with the same family for close to three years now. He’d known that they had started the adoption process almost a year ago. Lisa seems happy. Her foster parents let Leonard visit practically as much as he wants. It seems too pretty to be true but there doesn’t seem to be a catch. He knows his sister too well for her to fake her emotions like that. His throat still burns when he learns about the official news. It was his job to protect Lisa and even though she’s safe now, he still feels like he’s failing her. It’s hard to explain. On his side, he’s not doing so well. He’s been in a couple of different homes but it never really works out. The last house had been okay. It hadn’t taken him long to realize that the couple only cared about the paycheck but they let him live. But because he messes up everything, he decided to sneak out a day they especially told him not to, the social worker or some important person came by and well, his absence kind of blew it all up. He got reprimanded by Mrs. Paddington again. She’s lucky he’s pretty good at keeping his blood cold because he does feel like hitting her almost every other day. Another thing that becomes kind of constant in Leonard’s life, beside his daily fuck-ups, is the presence of Barry Allen. Leonard would have thought that a boy with the face of an angel like his would have gotten adopted easily. In the end, his weekly runaways to Iron Heights make it hard for people to keep him. _Well_ , almost interesting.

  


Leonard is 16 years old when he does his first couple of months in juvie. Mrs. Paddington looks sad when she learns about it. She probably wants to tell him that she saw it coming. He knows, he saw it too. Leonard had started hanging around older guys, they’d told him about some car thefts they were planning and the idea of finally having some money of his own had been too good to pass on. Obviously, he got caught. And oddly enough, things don’t go so well for him behind bars. His ribs and his jaw really hate his low fighting skills. One day, a blonde guy decides to step in when bigger kids have decided to beat the crap out of Leonard. He doesn’t know him but he’s standing up for him like it’s the more natural thing to do. And that’s how Leonard meets Mick Rory. After that day, they’re almost inseparable. It’s so weird, to care a little about someone other than his sister. Mick can handle himself but Leonard still finds himself worried about him sometimes. It’s equally odd to have someone other than Lisa concerned about him. He’s pretty sure he forgot what that felt like when his mother died seven years ago.

  


Leonard is 17 years old the first time he kisses a boy. He’s been hanging around with some friends in one of them’s basement, drinking beers, smoking weed and playing video-games. It’s 10pm when he realizes that he’s the only one left but he knows that Jay doesn’t mind because he keeps proposing him a drink or a new game and really, Leonard’s good at guessing when people don’t want him around. He’s not feeling drunk or high, he’s got a slight buzz going on but that’s the extent of it. He prefers to have his head clear when he’s not sure of his program and might hit the streets. He should be home but he’s being thrown out in a month after his birthday, so he really doesn’t care anymore. Never really did, anyway. There’s a pause at some point, and he expects Jay to go for his drink or to light up another blunt, but he just smiles at him like he’s the most interesting thing in the room. Leonard’s not used to situations he can’t decipher but this is definitely one of them. The only sound in the room is coming from a radio on the side, and he doesn’t know where to put his focus. All of a sudden, he feels unable to make a single move and then, Jay is sitting right next to him. There is a question in his eyes and Leonard wants to laugh because right now he can’t answer to anything. His silence must be passing enough as a yes because a moment later, Jay’s right hand is at his neck and he’s pressing his lips against Leonard’s. At first he freezes, but the next second he’s opening his mouth to let Jay’s tongue in. His hands eventually grab the other boy’s shirt, fisting his fingers in the fabric to bring him closer. He’s not a fan of the taste of cigarette but he can get past it for all the other sensations coming through. It’s too much and not enough at the same time and he can’t think about anything. That’s until his brain catch up on the program and all of a sudden Leonard’s getting up and putting some distance between the two of them. “I… I gotta go, I’m sorry.” And then he’s gone. If he fails to fall asleep quickly because his head keeps on replaying the scene and wondering what would have happened if he’d stayed, well, that’s his own fault.

  


Leonard is 19 years old the first time he meets Henry Allen. He messes up again and with the joys of being judged as an adult, he discovers jail for the first time. They get introduced to each other when Leonard’s need help with his shoulder and the guards couldn’t care less. He got better at the whole fighting thing since juvie and Mick’s pretty dissuasive most of the time but he got jumped when he was alone and now he can’t raise his left arm. He’s not sure what he expected from the doc. He’d always labeled him as a wife killer and the father Barry always thought was innocent. Henry Allen seems like the quiet type. He’s careful when he takes care of Leonard’s dislocated shoulder, reassuring words occasionally coming out of his mouth. The whole moment might only last a short amount of time but it’s still enough for the doc to capture Leonard’s curiosity, and he finds himself spending more time with him during the following weeks. He’s probably not been in prison long enough to have the right to say who belongs there and who doesn’t but there’s something in Henry Allen’s eyes and the way he holds himself that doesn’t add up. Maybe his mind is just clouded because once again, someone’s caring about him and he still doesn’t know what to do about it. It takes Leonard one month to realize that when Henry Allen looks at him, he probably just sees a kid barely older than his own son.

  


Leonard is 20 years old when he sees his father again for the first since he got convicted. He’d almost prepared himself, expecting the meeting to happen sooner than it did when he learned he was going to Iron Heights. Due to isolation time and different wing placements and stuff, the moment Leonard does _not_ dread only happens now. It takes Lewis a couple of seconds to recognize his son when Leonard stops walking ten feet away from him in the courtyard. “Oh my god, am I dreaming ? Damn, if I wasn’t sure this was gonna happen someday. You never cared to visit or call before but you couldn’t avoid getting thrown in there with your old dad, how sad.” Leonard’s fists clench by his sides and he does his best to keep his composure. He’s not going to get more time on his tab because of his trash bag father. “So how are you son ? How’s your sister ? She must be all grown-up now.” Leonard takes a step forward. He has the willpower to not beat the shit out of his old man even though that’s something that he’s been waiting to do for the last nine years, he knows it. “You’re never coming close to Lisa ever again. Don’t even try or you’ll regret it.” And with that he turns his heels and goes away, not waiting for an answer. When he sees a black eye on his father’s face the next day, Leonard knows he has Mick to thanks for it.

  


Leonard is 21 years old the first times he sleeps with a man. He’s having a beer at Saints & Sinners when an older guy -probably in his early thirties- offers him to play pool. He goes along. The beer becomes a glass of whiskey and soon enough, Leonard knows is already a goner for whatever’s going to happen next. His survival instinct hasn’t always been the best but he’s still alive today so that says something. “I’ve got better things to drink at my place, if you’re interested.” If he’s being honest, the line kind of sucks but it doesn’t really matter when he’s facing soft brown eyes and that kind of smile. He gets offered cocaine or weed when they get to the guy’s place. He goes for the blunt to accompany his promised whiskey. Between the group home, the different foster care families, juvie and jail, Leonard never really had time for romance in his life. There was this girl that he saw on and off for a couple of weeks before his first time in prison and he had a one night-stand with someone else just after getting out but that was about it, his sexual experience isn’t the greatest. Basically he kind of lacks confidence in himself and he’s stressed and excited and his heart beats way too fast when tall and handsome kisses him. He kisses back. He doesn’t expect this to happen again, he’s actually surprised when the guy offers him to stay the night. Leonard probably learns more about his body during the two months he spends with Tyler than he did during his first twenty-one years of existence.

  


Leonard is 23 years old when he sees Barry Allen again. The last time was when he left their group home for good, five years ago. He almost didn’t recognize him when he saw him with Henry at the cafeteria. The scrawny teenager had gone through puberty and he was now… Well, for one taller. Hotter, _different_. Leonard had always known Barry with some kind of anger in his eyes. The emotion seems tampered when he’s at Henry’s side but it comes back when Barry’s on his own. He learns through his contacts and whispers that the kid broke into the police precinct to steal papers from his dad case and since it wasn’t his first time, they threw him in jail to wait a couple of months before his judgment. Leonard wants to tell him that there were easier ways to see his father, that he didn’t have to do all that. He wants to be an asshole because sarcasm is what he’s good at. For Henry’s sake, he leaves Barry alone. Well, almost. You would have thought being the son of nice doc Henry Allen would have earned Barry some respect and no touching pass but there is a dumbass stupid enough to annoy him one day and Leonard feels the need to step in. When the matter is settled, it earns him a dirty look from Barry. “I don’t need you, _Leonard_. Never did, not gonna start today or any day, really.” Somehow, even though he’s not sure why, the words burn a little.

  


Leonard is 25 years old when he gets out of jail and goes visit Barry. He learned through Henry that the kid hadn’t been sentenced to prison time for his break-in, only a fine, and he is now living in an apartment, using money from a trust fund his parents had set up for him. It takes Leonard a couple of weeks after getting out of Iron Heights to finally have the nerves to get there. No matter how long they’ve known each other, the two of them are not really friends. For all he knows, he might as well get punched in the face when Barry opens his door to face him. He does not. “If you’re here to check up on me, you can go away. I’m fine and I’ll tell my dad as much when I’ll see him tomorrow.” Leonard winces when the front door bangs into his foot. And to Barry’s big disbelief, he decides to step into the apartment and close the door behind them. It doesn’t take long to categorize the place as a mess, from the pile of clothes on the couch to the papers on the table and the take out boxes on the kitchen’s counter. “I’m staying.” Barry laughs. “I’m sorry, what ? Please remind me how many times you’ve talked to me when we were actually _living together_ as kids ?” Leonard sighs. One part of him wants to call out how unfair it is to only blame him for that and the other part doesn’t want to think back on his behavior back then. Barry continues. “Right. So now that you’re best buddy with my dad you’ve decided to clear your conscience by coming here. Or maybe you just have nowhere else to go. Or both, who knows.” Leonard has his reasons, and they have nothing to do with the fact that Barry is right on that second statement with Lisa in college and the people he knows only able to have him over at best for a couple of nights. He takes off his jacket and goes for Barry’s kitchen, trying to find a trash bag for the food leftovers. He feels Barry’s eyes on the back of his neck and then, the kid’s speaking again. “Whatever, you’ll get tired of me pretty quickly. This won’t last long.” The words make Leonard smile, and he locks his gaze into Barry’s to answer. “Try me.”

  


Leonard is 26 years old when he first kisses Barry Allen, roughly eight months after he moved in with him. He hasn’t found a legit job yet but it turns out heists go way better when he’s the one planning them. When he’s not busy robbing a bank or a museum, he hits the streets to try to get info on Nora Allen’s murder. He has contacts inside mobs and criminal circles, he’s only managed to get bits of details, but he knows it’s a matter of time before they get something concrete. Leonard plays thief and detective and most days he’s pretty good at both. Tonight though, things got messy. He escaped but that wasn’t before he got shot at. He’s okay, the bullet barely grazed his arms. It bleeds and burns like hell but he’ll survive. When he gets to what slowly became _their_ apartment, Barry’s on him in like, fifteen seconds. “God Leo, what did you do.” Leonard smiles, almost feeling guilty of the worry settling on Barry’s face. “I’m okay, don’t frown too hard, you’ll get wrinkles. Just get me the first aid kit from the bathroom, please ?” Probably saving his argument for later, Barry nods and heads for the hallway. Leonard sits on the couch with his jacket and t-shirt off and two minutes later, Barry’s silently taking care of cleaning his wound. “Talk.” Barry’s eyes go from his arm to his face and back a couple of times before he finally obeys. “You gotta be more careful, Leo, for real. Nothing you fight for is worth dying for.” Leonard considers the words for a few moments. “So much for not wanting anything to do with me, _not today or any day_ , hm ?” Yeah, he’s still an asshole. A nice one, mostly. It gets Barry blushing and the frown is back between his brows. Leonard wants to wipe the expression away and honestly, there are not a ton of solutions in front of him. Between the adrenaline still coursing through his veins and the fact that he’s been wanting to do this for a while now, it doesn’t take long for him to make the decision. He goes for Barry’s lips. When he thinks back about the scene, later, Leonard realizes how much cliché it is. It takes him a grand total of two seconds to decide he really doesn’t care.

  


Leonard is 27 years old when he gets his first tattoo. It would probably surprise a lot of people to learn that it only happens now but yeah, he did manage to go through messed up teenage years, prison time and criminal activities with a skin free of ink. It takes him a while to make up his mind. He _knows_ he wants something and he has a pretty solid idea of what he wants. It’s just that it’s such a big thing, he needs it to be perfect. Eventually, for his birthday, Barry makes him an appointment with a tattoo artist whose style he’d said he loved when he had been showing examples of what he wanted to Barry online. At the rendez-vous, they discuss the design and the placement of the tattoo and one month later, Leonard is in the shop with his sister. For a while he had considered making it a surprise but in the end, he’s glad he decided to invite her. She says she will wait for it to be completely done before checking the area. She holds his hand through the entire process and tells him that it’s okay to express his pain, he doesn’t have to be such a big boy about it. Lisa’s lucky he has the strict order of staying in place because the true punishment for mocking him would be to tickle her underarms and mess with her hair. Leonard stays still, if there is one thing that can’t be messed up it’s the wonder appearing on his ribs. “Oh my god Lenny, it’s beautiful.” His sister’s reaction makes him smile but on his side, Leonard is at loss for words when he looks at the final result on the mirror the tattoo artist presents to him. Along his ribs, on his left side, three wolves sitting close together. A big one in the center and two smaller ones by her side. The design’s all black and each wolf has some sophisticated patch of color here and there, in order : blue, red and the closest thing to gold the artist could recreate. Leonard knew he didn’t have to explain to his sister that the tattoo represented his mother and the two of them. He knew that much from the position of her hands in front of her mouth and the glint in her eyes.

  


Leonard is 28 years old when he gets to see Henry Allen out of prison. It had taken years but with his connections and Barry’s work, they had managed to get enough evidence to get an appeal. Weeks of trial later, here they are. Barry has been excited and restless for days. Leonard has been trying to calm him using _every_ mean he could think of but the kid is a real piece of work when he has something on his mind and too much caffeine coursing through his veins. In the end, Leonard’s only human, after all, he just physically can’t practice fighting and have sex every hour on the clock. He won’t blame him because he totally understands why Barry won’t rest until they park in front of the prison and see his father getting out in civil clothes. Leonard spent so much time looking at anger and determination and weariness in Barry’s eyes, it’s amazing to finally see joy and happiness in there while he’s hugging his father. When Barry eventually lets him go, Henry reaches for him and Leonard gets pulled into a hug too. A _thank you, son_ is whispered into his ear and his throat tightens just a little. For someone who’s always felt down to earth, he surely feels like living something surreal.

  


Leonard is 30 years old when he watches his baby sister graduate. She completed her computer science degree at CCU, and he couldn’t be prouder of her. There is a sting behind his eyes when they hand her out her diploma and Barry is by his sides to applaud as loud as they can. “I know your mom would have been proud of her. And proud of you, too.” Leonard almost want to argue but he knows it’s pointless in this case. He obviously agrees with the first part of Barry’s statement, he told so at Lisa before the ceremony. The second part, he’s still working to get his head around it. He just knows he can’t argue with Barry because at some point he throws his _babe, look at where she is now, look at your relationship with her and how close you two are, what could have you done better exactly_ line and he’s done. He has arguments for his case but somewhere in his heart, he gets what Barry means. Leonard has troubles accepting the fact that his mistakes from the past don’t matter anymore but he’ll get there, eventually. He’s organized a small gathering at their apartment for after the ceremony. He can spot Barry talking with Lisa’s friends on one side of the living room and his sister engaged in a conversation with Henry Allen near the kitchen’s counter. He no longer feels the need to cry but there’s still a weight in his chest that he’s okay to live with for now. When Mick joins him with two beers in his hands, Leonard accepts his with a smile. “Something on your mind ?” He shrugs. He’s afraid that if he opens his mouth he’ll get sentimental and that would surely worry the hell out of Mick. “Just enjoying myself.” Mick makes a funny face for a second but then he’s smiling too and clinking their beers together. Leonard’s fine with that. _All_ of that. He does illegal stuff for a living and his future is blurry in more than one area but when he’s able to have all the people he cares about standing in the same room, it really doesn’t matter. This kind of messy, he can deal with. He’ll live.


End file.
